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Not the Type of Head Shot She Had in Mind

  • Dec. 3rd, 2009 at 7:43 AM

After a dozen rolls of film, Amaryllis really thought that this one would be a keeper. That coy smile and twinkle in her eye were about to work pig wonders, and she knew it. Unfortunately, it was that apparent giant bullseye on her freshly coiffed ‘do that did her in.

Poor Amaryllis. Who knew that Big Bird could fly?

I wonder if Snuffy was riding sidecar, Riana P.

Posted in Uncategorized Tagged: Gee-ross!, Unusual animals

The Day Alfalfa Lost All Credibility

  • Dec. 2nd, 2009 at 5:35 PM

I’m not fooling around here, New Guy. I’m going to tell you one time, and one time only: Take a hike. Now, before you go…where did you get that pink Frisbee, because Heavens to Betsy, it looks as comfy as the dickens!

Split personality, Courtney B.

Posted in Uncategorized Tagged: Bunnies, Kittens

Dec. 2nd, 2009

  • 11:47 AM
This is the second time in the past 4 months i've managed to infuriate a man so much he deletes me from all social networking sites and sends me angry, long-winded messages about how i eat dick for breakfast. And I think a third one is in the works already. :S

I need to stop being so spineless and just tell people when i'm not interested. I try to keep everyone happy, but in the end i'm just a douche who's so scared of conflict i'll do almost anything to avoid it.

I always manage to get myself into situations where I feel completely trapped by someone. With this new guy though, i've actually done nothing (not even spent time with him) and he's managed to convince himself i'll be his girlfriend. All he does is come into my work and talk to me. Blah.

I just want everyone to go away and leave me alone with my cat and video games. I know that I suck. I can't be bothered.

Really? This is how you choose to spend our time? You have the rare opportunity of not only catching, but also holding a hummingbird, and you want to declare a thumb war?

According to sender-inner Hana O.: “My classmates discovered this young hummingbird who had fallen out of his nest and immediately a rescue team ensued! He was a bit of an inexperienced flier, but in the end he made his way back into his tree.”

Posted in Uncategorized Tagged: Birds, ResQte™

The Cherry (Blossoms) On Top

  • Dec. 2nd, 2009 at 2:30 PM
One of the hottest new trends in weddings today is the cherry blossom wedding cake:

This elegant design not only looks beautiful, but is a cinch to make, too! In fact, here are a few tips to ensure your own cherry blossom cake looks as gorgeous as this.

First, always make sure your icing is niiiice and smooth.

It helps if you lick your fingers first, so they slide smoothly over the icing.

Next, mold or pipe your branches to gracefully scale the tiers of your cake in a natural, realistic fashion.

I know it's hard to believe but, yes, that's really just icing.

Remember, the flowers are the most important part!

[Crickets chirping]

It's usually best to leave off a wedding topper for this style, but if you do choose to have one, make sure it's simple, understated, and elegant.

Note the baker's restraint. Not a single balloon animal!

And finally, when all else fails, remember:

You can always jam a stick in it and charge $200.

(Yes, this was someone's actual wedding cake.)

(And they
paid for it.)

(With
money.)

Leanne W., Danielle L., Moxie, Holly J., and Robert V. did you know you can make a forty dollar cake look like a 500 dollar cake with just some cookies and sprinkles? Just imagine what you could charge if you jammed a stick in it!

- Related Wreckage: Wedding Day Advice

FLEXED GLUTEUS

  • Dec. 1st, 2009 at 11:13 PM
LOLOL Super Street Fighter IV'S ESRB rating reads:

Platform: PlayStation 3, Xbox 360

Rating: Teen

Content descriptors: Alcohol Reference, Mild Language, Suggestive Themes, Violence

Rating summary:

This is an arcade-style fighting game in which players engage in one-on-one combat with a large international cast of human characters. Players mostly kick, punch, and use special abilities (e.g., fireballs, flying moves, and electrical strikes) to drain the opposing player's life meter. Special moves (ultra combos and super combos) are displayed in animated sequences in which characters react to being punched, kicked, or stomped on. Some of the female fighters' outfits are form-fitting and accentuate their breasts and buttocks; before battle, the camera occasionally zooms-out from close-up views of flexed gluteus. One of the fight stages occurs in a distillery with equipment used for brewing and wooden casks labeled "Scotch-Whisky." The expletives "damn" and "hell" can be heard in the dialogue.

You’re… you’re… UNGROOMABLE

  • Dec. 2nd, 2009 at 3:49 AM

Sequoia, the matted-hair, bear-feet, insanely anerable kitt-tayns is not gonna let you groom her. No WAY:

Big thanks to Winston and Rich over at Four Four for this personal reccomendayshe.

Posted in Uncategorized Tagged: Kittens

The Cat in the App

  • Dec. 1st, 2009 at 9:18 PM

From our “sad but true” files:  Somewhere, at this very moment, people are taking pictures that don’t have any cats in them.  To remedy this injustice, there’s CatPaint, an iPhone app that populates any pic with prosh pouncy purriness pronto.

And as if that weren’t enough, the app drives other cats insane (OK, more insane):

Spotted by Susy P.

Posted in Uncategorized Tagged: Cartoons, Kittens, Product Cuteness

Lemon Pancakes

  • Dec. 1st, 2009 at 2:36 PM
Lemon pancakes and bacon


From The Joy of Cooking by Irma Rombauer and M&E Becker

Whisk together in a large bowl:
1 cup flour
1/3 cup sugar
1.5 tsp baking powder
Etc, etc. )

***Caution! These are very delicate and not only burn easily, they also tear easily in the pan. Gentle hands and a watchful eye are a must!

Tags:

This Just In: Runway Goat Couture 2010

  • Dec. 1st, 2009 at 7:00 PM

Karl Lagerpelt debuted his new spring collection this week to mixed reviews. Not many will want to sport the Pippi Longstalking-like waves many of his models donned while prancing down the Carpathian-walk. However, come April, you better believe that turnip decorative barrettes will be all the rage.

Your goat’s too sexy for a tan, too sexy for a tan, so sexy he looks like flan, Liliana F.

Posted in Uncategorized Tagged: Farm Animals, This Just In!

I Think We’re Being Followed

  • Dec. 1st, 2009 at 4:19 PM

“Like, maybe it’s just the catnip making me paranoid, man, but I keep seeing that same white-and-blue truck at every corner.  And it’s always parked right next to a mailbox; like, that can’t be a coincidence.”

joana

It’s a conspiracy, I tells ya, Sandra D.

Posted in Uncategorized Tagged: Kittens

Merci!

  • Dec. 1st, 2009 at 2:30 PM
Have you heard of the Croquembouche [CROCK-you-EAM-butchy]? It's a French thing. Well, if not, here's what it's supposed to look like:

So kinda like old, cobweb-wrapped monkey bread. But in a yummy way.

Well, a certain anonymous person - who shall remain unnamed to protect her anonymity - found this gem at a wedding which she may or may not have anonymously attended:


I believe her exact words were, "it looks like some kind of primitive jungle cake being attacked by a swarm of lactating spider-wasps."

Mmmm, lactating spider-wasps...


Well, uh, Jane D. [wink wink], thanks for putting a new spin on these things.


Update: I think it's important to ask yourself a couple of questions before commenting here on Cake Wrecks:
Question: Did John and Jen really intend to give us the pronunciation of a word?
Answer: No.
Question: Are John and Jen complete and total idiots?
Answer: No.
Question: Do they...
Answer: No.
Question: Would they...
Answer: No.
Question: What about...
Answer: No.
That is all.

- Related Wreckage: MORE Weird Wedding Cakes (with the famous "albino booby tower")

Here Comes Peter Cottonhead

  • Dec. 1st, 2009 at 1:17 PM

Every morning it was the same routine: Colonel Danders would make his way out to the yard to watch the sunrise, yet he never realized he was facing the wrong way until it was too late.

Less fluff, more fold, Ashley H.

Posted in Uncategorized

Ciao, Francesco Rinaldi!

  • Nov. 30th, 2009 at 6:23 PM

‘Ello! My name is Fabio, and you-a must-a try-a my mar-i-nara!

OK, I’m sorry. I admit, I’m not Italian. And my name isn’t even Fabio. It’s Ken. Ken, as in, “Wake me when you’re done saying ‘Ken’.” I just wanted you to think I was exotic.

Eucalyptus…basil…same thing, Connor R.

Photos by Mathew Doherty

And please check out www.SaveTheKoala.com.

Posted in Uncategorized Tagged: Unusual animals

Awful

  • Nov. 30th, 2009 at 9:15 AM
have flu. threw up all night. now dehydrated. so much for studio day.

Tags:

Disapproval at a Different Level

  • Nov. 30th, 2009 at 3:22 PM

Oh my, what an – gulp – adorable bunny. Well, um, yes, I guess he does look like Clark Gable…though that’s not the first name that comes to mind. Say, is he, a, um…nice…rabbit?

Keep an eye on that one, Chelsea T.

Posted in Uncategorized Tagged: Bunnies, Disapproval